Birthdays
by KymYume
Summary: Every year Kirk has to face the reminder of what was lost. This year, he won't be alone.
1. Chapter 1

**Birthdays**

By Chisa Yume

I do not own Star Trek or any of its characters. I am making no money from borrowing these wonderful characters!

This will be somewhat slashy in the long run, cause Kirk and Spock are love!

Great thanks to my wonderbeta Hidden Relevance!

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James Tiberius Kirk awoke to the incessant beeping of the computer's alarm. Fumbling, he tried to disentangle the sheets enough to roll out of the bed while directing the computer to cease the wake up call. His eyes scrunched as the lights came on, and once again, Kirk lamented mornings. He felt he was many things- charming, sexy, and world's-most-amazing-captain, to name a few. But a morning person, he most certainly was not.

The night had been long, and sleep had been slow coming. As was usual lately. Being left alone with one's thoughts was always dangerous for Jim. It was always easier to maintain a happy demeanor when sitting in his captain's chair, looking out at the vast wonders of space.

There, harassing Uhura was a great distraction and easy excuse to ogle. Looking at the weird yet somehow endearing awkwardness of Sulu and Chekov's budding attraction to one another gave him lots of ideas for new ways to tease the two. Bones was… Bones. Sarcasm, pessimism, and wit all rolled into one package that was the CMO of Enterprise. The banter with the doctor had become some sort of ongoing challenge to one up the other, and was the source of unending amusement for the rest of the crew.

Everyone except the lone Vulcan science offer. Appointing Spock to First Officer had made sense to Kirk. They had established a respectful camaraderie after the successful destruction of the Narada, and the Vulcan was unfailingly impeccable in everything he did, a very desirous trait of a First Officer. It was now that the crisis was over that some tension had started to set in.

He thought that maybe now that they were working together, Spock would have lightened up around him. Yes, he realized that was a stupid assumption. Bones had bent over for five minutes laughing uncontrollably after hearing Kirk whine about Spock's lack of change in attitude. But despite attempts to initiate conversations, give invitations to meals, and any other thing Jim could come up with to cultivate their relationship, everything fell flat with the succinct and logical man.

Stepping out of the shower, roughly dragging a towel over his damp hair, he noticed the computer's star date blinking at him with an annoying cheerfulness that made him want to break something.

March twenty second.

What a stupid day.

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TBC

I know! I'm so mean! But don't worry, I already have 4 more pages underway being edited and my muse is in great shape. I really was just dying to post something!


	2. Chapter 2

Wow you guys! I'm so overwhelmed by all your support. Thanks for putting me on your alerts or reviewing. You're totally awesome! There will only be one more chapter after this so stick with me. ^_^ As always, much thanks to my beta, Hidden Relevance. *huggle*

Once again, I don't own Star Trek and am making no profit from this.

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Now, never let it be said that Jim Kirk didn't like being the center of attention. He did. He was all about being in the thick of things and having a good time. But as he made his way through the ship, the usual acknowledgments felt like barbs digging into his skin. Trying to tell himself that he was being an idiot, he nodded to the different crew members as he passed and sped up his pace.

Stepping onto the bridge, Kirk forced on a cocky smile and made his way over to his chair at the center of command. Relaxing into his chair he turned to the pilot.

"Status report, Sulu?"

"All systems in order, sir. Traveling at warp five, we'll arrive at the Alpha Quadrant within 48 hours." Sulu grinned up at his captain as if he had a secret he was dying to tell. Unease spreading through his gut, Jim looked at the other faces staring at him in anticipation. Shit…

Jim turned at the sound of the turbo lift opening and welcomed the new presence of Bones. McCoy was probably the only ally he had at the moment. He was familiar with Kirk's penchant for birthday blues and would know better than to say anything. His smile faltered when he noticed the dark glare directed his way- ok so Bones glared a lot- but this time it looked like the doctor meant it! He suddenly wished the captain's chair had an escape button.

Not paying attention to his surroundings, Jim gulped as he saw Bones speeding up his pace. Confusion took over his features as the glare suddenly morphed into a cringe.

"Happy Birthday Captain!" Ensign Chekov's gleeful voice shouted from directly behind the captain.

Jim was sure the girlish squeak that resounded through the bridge most certainly did not come from him.

Mostly.

"Damnit!" Bones muttered under his breath while a chorus of well wishes filled the cabin. The young Russian held a small cake in his hands, thick brown icing clumped unevenly. The captain had to wonder how he managed to _bake _on the ship. A set of bright glowing candles formed the Starfleet insignia in the center.

The instinctive cringe was impossible to avoid, but Jim quickly masked his features and forced a smile to his face. He failed to notice the dark eyes on him, and an elegant eyebrow raising in curiosity at the captain's demeanor.

"Uh… wow guys…" he looked around awkwardly. "You didn't have to do this for me."

"Certainly Captain! We are wery glad zat you are with us," Chekov replied while thrusting the cake into Jim's shaking hands.

"It's not every day we have cause to drink freely cap'n!" Scottie clapped him hard on the shoulder and made him worry he'd drop the confection. "B'sides! Everyone likes cake!"

Laughter filled the room at the Scott's antics. Bones looked on apologetically as he watched his friend endure more greetings and put on a polite face for those meaning well.

He had only just heard of the plan from Nurse Chapel and regretted that he didn't make it time to warn Jim. Over the years they schooled together, he still didn't feel like he had a full grasp on his friend. Often light hearted and head-strong, it was easy to over-look that pensive stare that came over Jim's features every so often. But Bones was a doctor, not a therapist, and he knew when he was out of his realm.

It might have been easy to miss for others not as familiar with Jim's nature, but he could see the strain in his eyes. The tense set of his mouth and shoulders. The captain was miserable, and doing his best not to show it.

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Jim's shift couldn't end fast enough. He appreciated what his crew did for him. It warmed him to know that they approved so heartily of him, and would go to such lengths to make him feel welcome. But still, that could never change the fact that the day of his birth was never something to celebrate.

Upon entering his room, Jim set the crumbling remains of the cake on his desk and flopped onto the adjacent couch. There was no way he was going to leave his room in the next 12 hours. Not even if McCoy threatened him with a hypospray.

A sharp, concise knocking at his door startled him from his thoughts. He only knew of one person that knocked so precisely. Standing slowly, he made his way to the door wondering what the Vulcan could need.

A quick whoosh of the door revealed his immaculate First Officer, poised as usual with hands grasped behind his back. Curious, Kirk stepped back and walked further into his room. "What can I do for you, Mr. Spock?"

"If I may be so bold Captain, I have inquiries regarding the human festivities I bore witness to today." A small inclination of the head towards his cake left no doubts as to what festivity he spoke of. "Would you take the time to enlighten me?"

Of all days, Spock had to get curious about humanity regarding the one ritual that Jim really detested, on the day he detested most. He seriously couldn't win.

"Well Spock, it's not that big of a deal. You see," he spoke while moving back to the comfort of his couch, "people often like reasons to celebrate. They will take any opportunity really. You heard Scottie."

Dark eyes followed his movements, and Spock eventually strode over to the desk chair and sat down. "But why specifically the date of one's birth? Millions of people are born every day throughout the universe and to celebrate each and every one is illogical. Earth alone is inhabited by billions of people; one could not possibly keep track of the necessary information."

Trying to think of a way to end the conversation quickly, Jim wracked his brain for an answer. "That is an excellent point Spock. People don't usually celebrate the births of strangers. It's meant more to be a gathering of close friends and family. Many times families don't get together often, for whatever reasons, and a birthday is sometimes used as a reason to travel, much like winter holidays like Christmas or Chanukah."

"You mean to imply that such celebrations are mere excuses, and not actual cause for ceremony?" A sharp eyebrow rose with a slight tilt of the head. Jim almost had the feeling that Spock was working a double agenda. But this was Spock. His only agenda was logic.

"I guess it just depends on the person. Some people like to throw lavish parties for themselves, inviting large amounts of guests and having entertainment. Others," his mind wandered to Bones, "like to just hang out with a few close friends and drink to another year well lived." Or not so well lived, depending on McCoy's level of inebriation.

"Under which category do you fall, Captain?"

Why in the hell did Spock decide to take interest in him _now_?!

Looking down and rubbing his neck, a gesture Spock noted the captain performed when tense, Jim fumbled for a reply. "Uhh… neither I guess. I've never been big on birthdays personally."

"I had calculated as such," was the soft reply, and Kirk had to resist gaping.

"Calculated? What do you mean?" Please, let this be some weird Vulcan observation thing and not an issue he'd have to deal with the whole crew.

"Yes Captain. You were agitated all morning. When offered the confection and well wishes, you heart rate increased by 2 percent and blood pooled at the surface of your skin which can be an indication of embarrassment. You regularly partake of substances that are less than nutritious, especially of the dessert variety, yet you did not partake of the proffered cake save one bite to maintain proper courtesy." Spock maintained steady eye contact as he listed casually everything Kirk had tried so hard to hide from his crew, and himself.

"Conversation was affected as well. Your usual verbal patterns were forgone for clipped and less emotive choices than you typically give. Do you need more facts to be listed sir?"

He was good. Too damn good. He knew how analytical his First Officer could be, but he never expected to be the brunt of his focus. Not for anything as… personal as this at least.

"No Spock, you've quite proven your point." Jim really wanted to sleep. To forget this day ever happened, and succumb to the bliss of unreality that was sleep. Fat chance.

"To what may I attribute this aversion?" was the soft, low voiced query that followed.

No, it really _really _wasn't his day.

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TBC! One more chapter to go!


	3. Chapter 3

I just want to thank everybody for making my first fic in 7 years so much fun! You're support was amazing. I'm starting to think that reviews are equivalent to crack… they're quite addicting and give me such a great high for writing! Very dangerous. I hope to start working on a new fic soon!

I do not own Star Trek or any of its characters.

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Sensing the agitation building in his commanding officer, Spock decided to get to the point. "May I postulate my reasoning for your reaction?"

"Sure… postulate away, Spock." If he could shrink in to his couch, he would. Seeing as the laws of physics where still in place, Jim settled for wrapping his arms around his torso and trying to look secure. The Vulcan looked down at his hands, and concluded that he had pushed the conversation too far to back out now.

"My theory as to your regard of said celebration stems from your father's death coinciding on the same day. To put it plainly, you were born as your father died."

Spock was unprepared for the deep anguish residing in his captain's eyes. He felt confusion over the reaction, for it validated his hypothesis yet made him ponder the ramifications of going directly to the source.

It was true. On a good day, Jim could deal with it. Having it pushed in his face was another matter entirely though.

"Birthdays are meant to be a celebration of one's birth. Letting someone know you are glad that they came into the world. Appreciating the life you've been given. It seems kind of stupid to celebrate when you know it's all bullshit anyway." He needed to walk. Let off some steam. Punch something. He wasn't sure which yet but sitting on this couch was no longer an option for Kirk. He settled for pacing in quick long strides, clenching and unclenching his fingers all the while.

"I am uncertain of the meaning you insinuate." Calm as ever. The Vulcan probably had no idea how crazy he was driving him right then.

Kirk took a moment to rub his temples. "Why celebrate my birth when I know no one really cares anyway?" Hands fell limply to his sides as Spock watched and normally proud shoulders sagged under the weight of his admission.

"That seems to be an illogical conclusion based on the reactions of the crew members this afternoon. Furthermore, it is not up to you to decide what others feel in regard to your birth. Assuming such emotions, based on incongruous facts only succeeds in causing you mental distress."

Was Spock trying to… comfort him? Taking a moment to mentally laugh at the ridiculous notion of a Vulcan provided comfort, Jim looked up at the man calmly seated across the room.

Feeling a little deflated, he walked back over to the couch. "It's not that I'm assuming Spock. Growing up, my mom tried to do the best she could. But you can't celebrate while mourning." It was a hard truth. Looking into his mother's eyes was difficult enough knowing she didn't always see Jim as himself, but on his birthday he was guaranteed to be a ghost for his mother. A constant reminder of what she lost that disastrous day. "Every year that I get older, is one less year that my dad wasn't able to live."

He wasn't even sure why he was still talking at this point. Something about the impartial stare he received from Spock helped him open up. Maybe it was that he knew that the Vulcan was only curious about the nature of humans. It wasn't some attempt to assess his mental health, or pry into his personal feelings. He simply wanted to understand what he observed. Jim had dealt far too often with the pitying glances of those around him, listening to empty condolences day in and day out once people learned his lineage.

People always felt like they knew him, just because they knew a little family history. School was hell because he was always dealing with the pitying looks of teachers and the ridicule of peers for assumed favoritism. The classmates had no idea what kind of expectations had been put on his shoulders just because he was his father's son. And those same expectations had followed him all the way to Starfleet.

Spock stood quietly and made his way over to sit beside Kirk on the couch. "Captain, permission to speak freely?" the Vulcan inquired with a tilt of his head.

"Permission granted." Jim looked at his First Officer with open curiosity.

"I apologize if my inquiries have caused you distress. But bear in mind that the crew of the Enterprise is proud to have _you _as their captain. Not your father. Today, they chose to take the time to celebrate the fact that you are here, amongst them." It was almost so faint that Jim missed it, but he swore he saw a more greenish tint to Spock's cheeks. The long tapered Vulcan fingers twitched slightly, and it seemed that he was resisting the urge to fiddle with something. The captain's lips twitched as he thought of Spock having a nervous gesture.

"I…" Kirk started, trying to find the right words. "Thank you, Spock." He felt some of the day's tension leaving his body. "I'm not used to people wanting to support me like this." Bright blue eyes found the Vulcan's dark coal gaze meeting him with confidence.

"I merely enlightened you to the logic of the situation Captain." There was that twitch in his fingers again.

"A very human situation. And you took the time to come down here when you could have pursued other activities." Jim couldn't help feeling touched that Spock took the time for him. Took the time just to make him feel a little better, with no other purpose in mind.

"I find it… troubling Captain, when you are distressed. It is only logical to aid you in overcoming whatever perceived concern you have." Spock smoothly rose from the couch and placed his hands behind his back, the image of control once again. "If you are no longer in need of assistance, I will bid you good night Captain." With a light nod, Spock turned to leave the room.

"Jim."

"I beg your pardon, sir?" Spock turned around to glance at his commanding officer.

"You can call me Jim." The barest hint of a smile could be seen on the Vulcan's lips. Spock turned to leave once more, and Jim deflated a bit at the lack of acknowledgment. He wasn't sure how to take the Vulcan's silence. He looked down and fiddled with a pen.

"Jim?" Elated, the captain raised his gaze to the Vulcan.

"Yes, Spock?" Jim spoke, trying to hide his obvious excitement at the use of his first name.

"Happy Birthday."

And as Spock quietly made his way out the door, Jim's eyes lit up for the first time in weeks.

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The end!!! Thanks for sticking with me everyone!


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